ROY FOWLER AND DICK BULGER ARE TEAMING UP! Expect BANGIN’ new clips, hot releases, banned Youtube videos; it’s gonna be FUCKING LIT BABY!
It started, as most great American redemption stories do, in a Dollar Tree parking lot behind a Burger King.
Dick Bulger had just been banned again from karaoke night at the Saugus Knights of Columbus after belting out “Winds of Change” while sobbing into a microwave burrito. He stumbled out into the humid night, shirt half-buttoned, clutching his Flying-V guitar and a plastic bag of expired firecrackers.
That’s when he saw him.
Roy Fowler.
Ray’s twin brother. Roy “The Patriotic Phaser” Fowler. A MAGA hat-wearing, Jan 6th re-enactor, disgraced ham radio operator, and former drummer of King Beef and the IROC Boys.
They locked eyes. The tension was thicker than the grease on Dick’s forearms.
“You still mad I said Alex Jones should do a duet with Lizzo?” Dick slurred, lighting a cigarette off a sparkler.
Roy exhaled. “Only slightly more than I’m mad you ate a Slim Jim off my snare drum and called it ‘art.’”
Dick looked down. “I miss the music, Roy. I miss the magic. Remember the Marblehead Moose Lodge gig? The one where Mr. Creamy caught fire?”
Roy chuckled. “He spontaneously combusted, Dick. That wasn’t the fog machine — that was axle grease and shame.”
Silence.
Then Roy reached into his fanny pack and pulled out a crumpled, yellowing setlist titled “Songs That Ruined Revere.” It included:
- “Bologna Love Affair”
- “Pork Rinds & Regret (Live at the Dunkin’ Drive-Thru)”
- And the classic: “I F***ed Myself (and Wrote It Down in My Taxes)”
They both smiled. A single bald eagle shrieked somewhere in the distance. Or maybe it was a feral cat. No one’s sure.
“Alright,” said Roy. “But we lay down some ground rules.”
“Like what?” asked Dick.
“No political rants mid-solo.”
“No stage diving onto elderly bikers.”
“And for the love of God, no keytar solos from Mr. Creamy unless he’s legally sober.”
Dick extended his greasy paw. Roy shook it, instantly regretting it but understanding the power of compromise.